I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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