My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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