I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
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When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
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We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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