we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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