And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i want to fuck
it's pretty self explanatory
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I think this conversation is over.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.