Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
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closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
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I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.