Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.