Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
foreskin is a definite game changer
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!