just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
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The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
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I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?