he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"