He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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