If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
