The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
