I murdered the dance floor call the cops
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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