I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
As shirtless as possible
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
