I don't remember. Are we still dating?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
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What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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