I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
my sisters under your porch take her home
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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