He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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