Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died