He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is