I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
porn star boner night. come get it.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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