After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
