just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
