she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
