In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
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