There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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