I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
