He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
