I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
