I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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