At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
