It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
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Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
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I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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