Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
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ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
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Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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