Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
