No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
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I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
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When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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