I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
