I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
