I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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