did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
