if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I had to cum in my sink.
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