ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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