I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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