I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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