i'm signing you up for texting rehab
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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