it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
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