He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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