They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Randomize
