apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
