Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize