Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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