i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
