Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
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Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
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It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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