i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
