I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
