his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
