the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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